Almost An Addict

Well, I thought it might be nice for you guys to know why I named this blog what I did. I was dealing with some pretty bad period cramps. So I took a tylenol. Then the cramps stopped, but I took another one just in case.

And then, the few days after when I didn’t take anything, I felt ill. I was stressed about this essay I had to write for school. So stressed, that every time I opened up the Word document to write more, I felt sick to my stomach and was just about ready to throw up. I asked on a Facebook group what to do about it, and a few people suggested taking an ibuprofen. I thought this the best option, because all the others suggested things I A) was already doing, or B) deemed unhelpful. So I took a pill.

I noticed that it became a habit of mine. It happened four times in one weekend: I got stressed, took a pill, relaxed. Four times seems like nothing, but I knew that because I didn’t want to mention it to anyone, that it was something that was wrong.

I like exaggerating issues of mine for the drama of it, but when I legitimately have an issue, I want to keep it to myself. I don’t want to confront it! I don’t want to deal with it! I’m fine! But not really. After my friend told me about her cutting issue of the past, I told her, “I might almost be an addict.” It just came out so quickly and easily. I think I thought that if I told someone, then I could prove to myself it was all okay.

But she pretty much crushed that logic right away by telling me it was a problem I had to address and couldn’t ignore. I tried to convince I was being dramatic, everything was fine, but it didn’t really matter whether she believed me or not. I didn’t believe myself.

1. ADDRESSING YOUR ISSUE is the number one step. It was the hardest one mentally for me to do, and if you do this sooner rather than later, everything is so much easier and less complicated afterward. If you tell a trusted friend, they can help you simply realize that you’re dealing with something that needs fixing. I guess you just need to ask yourself if all that will become is worth it.

2. STEP AWAY from whatever you’re (becoming) addicted to. This is the hardest step physically, in my opinion. I felt insecure, paranoid, physically weak, sore, nauseated for about a week. I wasn’t really hooked on anything, and the Advil and ibuprofen pills had pretty much just become a bad, bad habit. So I got away quickly and easier than a lot of people. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for smokers when they quit, or recovering alcoholics, or people in rehab. All I can say to you is that will power is strong, but sometimes not strong enough. Let yourself lean on others, and drink lots of cold water. I don’t really know what else to say.

I’m still in the process of stepping away. It’s a difficult thing to do, especially when I know that I can make this headache go away by simply walking into the bathroom and opening up a cabinet. I could tell my mother, and she’d prevent me from taking anything, but then what if I actually do need to take a pill? What if she makes me see someone about it? Maybe I’m still scared of confronting this thing, but wouldn’t it be easier to get over on my own? I’m not really on my own, though. I have the aforementioned friend, and you guys, too. What do you think my next step should be?