It’s Friday! TGIF and all that. But not this Friday. I had friendship dramas. Can I just come up with a name for her? She’s the same friend I’ve talked to about my issues and she’s the same friend who confided in me about her self-harming. I’ll just call her Heather. I like the name Heather. It’s like Heaven and Feather combined.
So Heather knew from a while ago how I used to self-harm, and she thought she was picking up signs from me that I might be doing that stuff again. I’m not, just to clarify. I feel like if I were, I wouldn’t be comfortable having a blog like this. But she was worried. She’s been worried. Since Monday. And she talked to our favorite teacher, “Dan” about this. And Dan told her to go to guidance. So she did. She told them both she was worried I was suicidal.
Now, these conversations have been going on since Monday. That’s a school week. After our sixth period class, we both have a free seventh on Fridays which we use to talk to Dan, since we don’t have him for a teacher anymore. Today, she said “Could you give me five minutes to talk to him by myself and then come?” I thought this was kind of weird and rude, but I said okay, and talked to some classmates at some study tables in a hallway.
She walked the hallway a couple times, each time telling me she needed just a bit more time. After about ten-ish/fifteen-ish minutes, she approached me. I got up, walked over to her, saw her look of hesitation and concern, and asked if everything was all right, if she wanted to talk about it. She tentatively told me it wasn’t about her and gave me a pointed look. And I was too slow to understand, so she explicitly said, “It’s not about me, but about you.”
I was surprised at first, then mad when I realized that she was talking to our favorite teacher about some supposed problem I have. I figured that I should at least know what she was concerned about. She told me: “I think you’re going through some stuff and it’s a very stressful time…” She didn’t want to outright say it. She wanted to be careful to as not hurt my feelings, but she didn’t know I was already hurt. “We can go to the guidance office together. I already talked to our councilor.”
The only thing I could think was that she went behind my back and told people that I had a non-existent problem without coming to me first. She didn’t talk to me first. My best friend didn’t approach me about this, when we always approached each other about everything.
So I kind of raised my voice at her. I didn’t yell, but I didn’t hide my feelings and my hurt. And then I walked away with the last word and tears in my eyes. Eventually, after twenty minutes, I went to guidance to clear everything up. The councilor believed me that nothing was going on, and was mostly concerned with Heather’s and my relationship. I talked out my frustrations with her before leaving her office.
1. BREATHE. Square breathing, remember? Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four, exhale for four, hold out for four. You do this four times to calm down and be in a good state of mind.
2. TALK TO HER. Let her know how you feel in a calm way.
3. LISTEN to her as well. Your’s isn’t the only side of this. Heather was just scared for me and was scared I’d have a bad reaction if she had just talked to me first. I don’t think I would have, but I guess there’s no way to know.
4. TAKE TIME AND SPACE to get over it. Don’t suppress it and pretend it never happened. Give her and yourself time and space. As much as she or you need. We each apparently needed an awkward two minutes of staring at the floor between us before bursting into tears and crying and hugging.
5. DON’T HOLD A GRUDGE. After everything’s out in the open, and everyone’s apologized, when you’re ready to forgive and move on, do just that. Hug it out. Cry it out. We did. It worked.
There’s tension between us. But Thank God It’s Friday. Hopefully it’ll all be long behind us by Monday.